Have you ever heard the term "wrecked for Jesus?" It basically means being undone by Jesus or undone by something He has revealed to you.
Can I just be honest by saying I have not arrived at that place yet.
I'm yearning and desperate, but I'm not there.
In some areas of my life I have been wrecked, but when it comes to loving my neighbor I'm still learning.
To make a loonnng story short I have been out of the country three times this year. Each time my heart was wrecked for the poor and destitute. At one point I literally felt like I could not handle it emotionally. I was so uncomfortable and so deeply burdened for the meek and poor in spirit. (Matthew 5).
When I returned to America I felt like I was separated from my calling (to be an overseas missionary). I have friends who are American missionaries and I have told them numerous times: "You have a way harder job than I do, I am so proud of you for what you are doing, I could never do it."
I was wrong.
No,maybe my call isn't to live in America full-time, but when I'm here I am still required to help my neighbor.. to see Jesus in the least of these.
Here comes the hard part.
I'm super stubborn.
I don't mean I'm a little bit stubborn, I mean I am SUPER SUPER stubborn. I read Jen Hatmaker's book Interrupted which totally undid my life... at least it felt like it. After I read the book there were 3+ opportunities for me to put into action what I had just learned and I missed them.
God started burdening my heart for those around me in America. I felt like He whispered to me and said "how can I send you to the poor overseas when you still haven't learned to love your neighbor?"
So, I went to visit my neighbor. I sat with my neighbor and talked to him. I want to really get to know my neighbor, not just wave every time I happen to see him. I want to bake cookies for my neighbors. I want to make hot chocolate for the kids who wait in the thirty-degree weather for the bus. I don't want to just sit in my nice comfortable room with my nice comfortable things anymore.
For SO long I was missionaly minded for other countries, not for my own.
I really hope that I am voicing my heart here and that it doesn't come across as self-condemning. God's so gentle with me, He knows my stubborness and He uses it for His glory.
So recently there have been some lifestyle changes I wanted to make. I wanted to start drinking 3L of water a day, go paleo, and make sure to work out 5 days a week (workout as in walk and do some situps, don't hate on my routine).
I spent around THREE FLIPPING HOURS planning out my paleo meal plan. I made an entire list of what I needed from the grocery which my mom so graciously went out and bought for me (supportive parents ROCK).
Today is my first day regulating myself onto Paleo and I came to this really hard realization today.
How is it that I can spend so much time, energy, and money on a new diet when there are 4000 homeless people in my city. Yes, I am a huge supporter of people who spend time, energy, and money on being healthier versions of who God made them to be, but I'm not there at this point.
I'm not overweight, not even a little. I'm just unhealthy. I love ice cream, donuts, chocolate, donuts, pizza, donuts, and burritos. I actually have an obsession for burritos and could write an entire blog about them, but I won't go there..
My heart is to give up my monthly budget and spend it all on the poor. Buying them meals, buying them warm hats and gloves, and just buying some time from them.
It is one of my deep beliefs that the poor really just want someone to sit with them. They want someone to sit and to talk to them, to recognize them as human beings.
Most people have stereotyped the poor.
True prejudice is what we tend to do towards poor people.
Let's put it into perspective.
Many believe that poor people are homeless due to bad life choices and or drugs.
A study conducted on homelessness found that the homeless population consists of: youth & families, veterans, prison re-entry, rural homelessness, people with mental and physical disorders, and domestic violence.
I don't see much in there that talks about drug addicts or bad decision makers.
Even if it did mention those things even if that was the majority reason for homelessness does it really matter?
When I read the sermon on the mount and many other verses about helping the poor found in the Bible I NEVER read: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, except those who made poor life choices and who have an addiction." Or "Whatever you do to one of these brothers you do unto me, except for brothers who _____ _____ & _____."
I know, I'm a little sarcastic, but I'm trying to make a point.
Jesus literally interacted with the marginalized the majority of his ministry.
His disciples? Marginalized
Ministering to prostitutes? Prostitutes = Marginalized
Ministering to women? Women in that time period = Marginalized
Ministering to the addicts? Pharisees were addicted to legalism = Marginalized
Ministering to the crippled, those with mental disorders, and more physical disorders? = Marginalized
The list goes on. Yet we have placed a box around The Great Commission.
Many believe that The Great Commission is a call for missionaries, or a call only some believers have.
I'm sorry to be so straight forward but where did we get that from?
It's a call for each and every believer.
Yes, making disciples looks different for each of us.
Yes, taking care of the poor looks different for each of us.
But we are all still called to do it.
Early this morning I went to the grocery store. As I was walking out I was met face to face with a man who quite possibly could have been homeless. He was dirty, in warm but dirty clothes, and had gas station coffee in his hand. I smiled at him and then made sure to not make eye contact long enough for him to ask me for money.
As soon as I got into my car I thought "What if that was Jesus?" Jesus said that when we give unto these we are giving unto Him.
Whew Jesus soften my heart more!
Early this morning I went to the grocery store. As I was walking out I was met face to face with a man who quite possibly could have been homeless. He was dirty, in warm but dirty clothes, and had gas station coffee in his hand. I smiled at him and then made sure to not make eye contact long enough for him to ask me for money.
As soon as I got into my car I thought "What if that was Jesus?" Jesus said that when we give unto these we are giving unto Him.
Whew Jesus soften my heart more!
I'm going to ask you to step out.
Ask God to show you how He wants you to help the poor.
If you want to share what you feel He is revealing to you please comment below.
I'm asking God to show me. I'm asking Him for the gift of tears so that I can literally mourn for the poor.
I want to know what it's like to lack and to be hungry so that I can relate better. I want the motivation to give away and give away and not eat meals so that I can learn this.
We have to continue to ask.
Ask for a burning passion.
A flame that never goes out.
